A Lesson in Anatomy

It's important that I mention here that I've had countless conversations with Turbo about who does and doesn't have a penis. I feel the need to make that known before sharing the following story.

Turbo is a funny, playful kid. I love his mischievousness and I continue to learn and practice being patient when his level of mischievousness rises a little too high on the trouble scale at less than perfect times. Like when I'm trying to get him into bed.

Turbo sleeps like a rock all night long, which wasn't always the case (thank you, God, for the passing of that phase), but sometimes it's an uphill battle to get the kid into bed. There are plenty of nights when he's more than willing to climb into bed, cuddle, read four books, cuddle some more, and then drop promptly off into slumber-slumber land.

But tonight I made the brilliant choice to feed our family pancakes for dinner. I put ground flax seed in the batter (good goin', mama!), but pancakes also means maple syrup and that means hyper before-bedtime-kids. But whatever, today had snowflakes coming out of the sky and it was cold all day and I didn't want to cook real food. I was willing to pay the price.

I have to admit the kids weren't all that hopped up, so my gamble mostly paid off. Until it was time for bed and then Turbo could not settle quickly. He jumped into my bed (which is where we read his books each night), but he was fully clothed and quickly realized he was overdressed for the book party and instead of going right to the bathroom door in our bedroom, which is conveniently located right-next-to-the-laundry-basket, Turbo walked all the way around to the other door just to waste a little more time. I should put a pedometer on this kid.

It ended up in a game of, go in one bathroom door, take off one piece of clothing... go all the way back around to the other entrance, take off another piece of clothing, etc. etc. etc. It was funny, I laughed, and didn't mind him working off a little more sugar before reading time. At one point I realized I needed to pee, and I entered the bathroom, apparently through the wrong door.

Turbo, scowling: "No, mom! Go through the other door."

Me: "I need to go to the bathroom. I guess I'll wait."

Turbo: "Hold your penis."

Me: "Why should I hold my penis?"

Turbo: "Cuz. When you don't want to go, you hold your penis and it keeps it inside."

Mmkay. Good to know. Thanks for the lesson, Turbo.

Winnie The Poop

My daughter can't be the first kid to mistake "Pooh" for "poo-poo," but I am still getting a huge kick out of it. Definitely an LOL moment.

A few weeks ago Smiley got really interested in potty training - we're not training her yet - as the slightly older kids in her school use the toilet with doors wide open and teachers wipe their bottoms for an audience. She stares impolitely and points, "poo-poo."

She's been saying "poo-poo" a lot since she learned it, and just like any new word or skill she is really proud of her accomplishment. The other day her brother dropped his pants (as boys will do) and she walked around to the back of him, pointed at his bum, and said, "poo-poo."

What could I do but cheer her on with, "Good girl!"

I love to sing to my kids and we've been on a Winnie the Pooh kick lately... Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood...etc.  We even bought a DVD and it's been fun to sing both of the songs that I know (T-I-double-Guu-Er being the other). I tend to go for the old Disney version, like so, "Winnie the Pooh. Pooh! Winnie the Pooh. Pooh! Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff..."

It was Smiley to helped me recognize that the echo "pooh" in "Winnie the Pooh. Pooh!" is basically guilty of calling this beloved bear a piece of sh**. Oops.

Yesterday when I was singing this song to her, Smiley was loudly and proudly saying "poo-poo" as if she were my back-up singer. We're thinking of taking the act on the road this summer.

Stealth Underwear

Last week Turbo had an urge to hide all his underwear from his little sister.

He exited the bathroom at a run, hands full of his underwear and found a fabulous hiding spot... in our hallway.

"Mom," he whispered to me, conspiratorially, "This is the secret spot so Smiley won't get them."

Super secret hiding spot

Fast Learner

Tonight as Turbo announced to Dad that he had to poop, the immediate next sentence was as follows, unedited.

"What can I eat and what can I watch?"

Evacuation Complete

With apologies to my sister who will cringe at this topic...

You know you're nearing potty training completion when your child flees from the bathtub to go poop, then returns to the tub to keep playing.

It's so much better than a few yuck-o experiences we've had along the way. :)

Special Treat

We've been giving Turbo 'special treats' - and calling them that - for every BM in the potty. There have been a few other times we've awarded him 'special treats' too, and they are usually some TV time or M&Ms. It's not too terribly often we pull these out, but often enough.

Btw, I've been trying to figure out the best way to wean Turbo off of any rewards for potty training. I think he might actually be there, but I need a plan. Any ideas?

So, last night I'm giving Turbo a bath and he announces he wants his "5 chocolates and 5 marshmallows," which usually means he needs to poo. Since it's so close to bedtime, I tell him that we can't have chocolates after bath. This is how the rest of that conversation goes.

Turbo: "But I need a special treat."

Me: "Well, I'll give you hugs and kisses as a special treat."

Turbo: "No. That's not a special treat."

Thanks a lot, kiddo. LOL.

I Have No Poker Face For That

Last night's dinner was Sloppy Joe's. I served it open-face atop garlic-dusted, toasted kaiser rolls, with a side of steamed carrots. A pretty tasty meal, my husband and I thought.

But Turbo was a little suspicious and wouldn't touch it. I decided to risk a new parenting maneuver (new for me, at least) in not letting him leave the table until he took one bite. I knew he wouldn't eat the carrots, so we put two forkfuls in front of him - one with sloppy joe + carrots, and one with just sloppy joe fixins. He picked the one we expected, and we thought we solved the problem.

A lot (and I mean, a LOT) of back and forth and delay tactics later, Turbo finally realized I was serious and picked up the fork.

He stared at the sloppy joe mixture and seemed to be contemplating something profound. We leaned in to hear the oracle speak. Turbo pointed at the food on the fork, and at that moment I heard the words that no cook wants to hear:

"No! This is poop!"

He said what?!? My husband and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. There is no way to keep a straight face for something that funny and unexpected.


Lesson learned: Maybe spend a little less time talking about the potty.

Patience and Motivation

Be warned: I am going to talk about poop.

To whomever is the Patron Saint of Poop, you have answered my prayers and I thank you for this glimmer of hope that my life will someday soon be diaper-free. At least for Turbo. Smiley is still under 12 months... but I hear girls are easier, so, what do you think, she'll be ready at 12 months + 1 day? ;)

Last Sunday we saw a major turn of events in this house. As previously mentioned, we had great success right away with Turbo staying dry and peeing in the potty. BM's not so much. But whatever, I have a lot of patience.

Well, 3 weeks later and I've had it up to here with patience. Just effing poop in the damn potty whydon'tcha. That was my inside voice; on the outside, I was still able to keep it together like a cheerleader smiling through the last quarter of a losing championship game.

I had been offering motivational brides in exchange for some poo action. M&M's, extra movie watching... none of it was working.

So, finally, last Sunday I took Turbo shopping at Target. I had this brilliant idea that maybe if I got him a new Thomas the Train character he'd be motivated that way.

I steered the cart down an aisle with Thomas & Friends, Toy Story 3, and Cars 2. Whoa. Turbo had never seen this merchandising world. His eyes darted around, soaking it all in. He said things like, "Mom! Look! Thomas! Is that my Thomas?" and before I could answer, he'd spot something else and exclaim, "Mom! Look! Woody & Buzz! Can I have that?" And on, and on.

It was so cute to see Turbo's eyes light up at seeing his favorite DVD characters prancing in front of his innocent little face. And my hopes for a successful bribe soared.

We settled on a small package of 2 action figures, Woody & Buzz, and I told him he could hold the package, but couldn't open it to play with them until he pooped in the potty. I saw the deal click in his brain and thought, maybe, just maybe, this will work.

That evening he went potty, with the unopened Woody & Buzz in hand, and it finally happened.

"Mom! Look! I pooped in the potty! Can I open it now?"

"Yes!" and I swear, I almost cried and nearly took a photo. No photo! Don't worry. :)

I knew he wouldn't be in Pull-Ups forever, but I swear it was starting to feel like it might never happen. Every day is not perfect, but every night since then he has done his doody (hee hee) in the potty.

There is hope and its name is Woody & Buzz (& Zurg). Did I mention on the walk up the stairs to that triumphant poo, Turbo asked for Zurg too. I would have agreed to anything at that point. I made a special trip to get Zurg on my lunch break the next day.

Worth. Every. Penny.

This Is Why I Have Kids

This morning I took both kids to daycare. It's not always easy since we're potty training Turbo, and we have 2 different daycares, and Smiley has to get dropped off first. I have to balance driving safely with getting there fast enough so Turbo doesn't pee his pants. Or worse. Tick-Tock.

This morning when I was about 10 minutes away from Smiley's daycare, Turbo calls out from the back seat, "Mom! I'm holding Smiley's hand."

I smile. Sure you are. "That's great, honey,"I say.

When I pull into the parking lot, I turn around and this is what I see:

My breath caught and I nearly cried from the dear and darling sweetness of it all.

They stayed like this for the photo op and I actually had to pry their hands apart to get Smiley out of her car seat.

It's moments like this that make me so grateful to have been given the gift of these children.

The Brown Store

Potty training has been going mostly well. I had originally planned on writing daily updates, but a favorite uncle of mine reminded me that not everyone is as interested in poop as I am. I certainly hope the fascination will fade for me, but it's part of my life right now. So there.

Here are some highlights from the first week.

Good news! We've mostly had dry underpants all week. Here is the report card from his first day at daycare without Pull-Ups. Each report card was similar, which is great. Way to (literally) go, Turbo!

You'll notice, if you dare click on the image, that he had a poop accident. At daycare, we refer to this as a "BM" and I hope I don't have to explain what that means. It's all very tidy to talk in terms of a BM. No gag reflex on that innocuous term.

So, yeah. The BM's have not been going quite as smoothly (did I really just write that? hee hee). The kid seems to have no care whether or not he craps in the can or his underpants. Any tips on that from seasoned mothers of boys?

But, whatever, I'm trying to be casual about it, following Turbo's own speed.

If poop can be funny, the funniest thing so far is this:  while watching his own poo flush down the toilet, Turbo proclaimed, "He's going to the brown store."

Me: "The what?"
Turbo repeats: "He's going to the brown store."

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. And if you're a 2.5+ year old.

Potty Training - Day 1

Score: Turbo 1, Underpants 0

This is the weekend I've chosen to get serious about potty training Turbo. He's 2 yrs, 8 months old and has been wearing Pull-Ups for... um... I can't remember how long. Six months? Maybe that's a sign it's been too long. :)

He stays dry a lot more often then he's wet, and they are awesome at his daycare at taking the kids to the toilet every hour. We've been less diligent at home until recently, when we decided to match the daycare schedule and we also found about the same success rate. Mostly dry, but wet after naps and overnights.

Plus, the kid loves to sit on the potty. I'm talking 5 book lengths' worth. Which reminds me, we really need to swap out the library selection for potty time, lest mommy gets bored.

So, here were are, the 4th of July 3-day weekend. It's time.

Day 1 - Turbo was very excited this morning to see a friendly selection of Sesame Street "big boy underpants." He excitedly grabbed an ELMO pair and we were off and running. Until just after breakfast when mom and dad sniffed the air and went, "uh oh."

Turbo 1, Underpants 0.

But, I have all the patience in the world and Turbo seems very interested, so I hope for the best.

I'll keep you posted. I know you're waiting with bated breath.