What is This Sadness?

Hi. I'm a mom.

There are some moments when I feel like I have no other identity than being a mom, and please don't think I'm complaining, as I usually mean this as a good thing. Right now is one of those moments.

This past month has had a lot of new challenges for our family. My husband hurt his knee and so most of the parenting and house work and school drop-offs and pick-ups, etc. has fallen on my shoulders. The first week I felt like Super Mom (look at me go, world!), the second week I was exhausted and, guiltily admitting, a little resentful of this imbalance, but by the third, fourth, and now fifth week I've adjusted to my new normal.

I'm calm and happy most of the time. I do hit my limits and need breaks, but mostly it's OK. I'm more confident with spending a great deal of time with two very busy kids, and I can even go to public parks and calmly handle them running in different directions (hint: bribes work).

My job is one thing that has been a little trickier. I've been able to stay on top of my projects and yet it's also been feeling like this juggling act might result in a ball or two smashing to the floor. So, I've hired some help. I beg you not to assume I have a ton of money. I do not. But time is a resource just like money and right now I'm trading one for the other.

Tonight I am working in our office - at home - while our helper/teacher/friend is downstairs with my adorable children.

And I miss them. I miss Turbo and Smiley and all their turbo-ness and smiles and too-much splashing in the bath and I-don't-wanna's streaming from their lips - yes, both kids are loving the word "no" these days, although Turbo still whines when he utters it and Smiley simply says it with a smile, naturally.

I did put Smiley to bed tonight as I couldn't stand not to have that last snuggle and hear her say, "Ni-night, mommy," as I walked out of the room. Sweet contentment. Now it's Turbo's turn and while this sometimes drags on and can be challenging for me to remain sweet the entire time, I still miss it. I'm sitting in this office, and I closed my work laptop to write about my kids. As soon as he's asleep and our wonderful sitter leaves, I'm sprinting down there to snuggle with my baby-who-is-almost-four.

I love being a mom.

Miracle of Miracles

Let me get right to the point: Both kids are asleep before 8 PM. Did you hear that? Both kids. Before 8. Have pigs flown? Is there ice in Hades?

This has pretty much never happened in our home and I almost don't know what to do with myself. Scratch that... I know exactly what to do with myself:

• Remove contacts, wash daily grime off face - alone, and moving as slowly as I'd like
• Look my husband in the eye - and linger without being interrupted
• Read in bed - something other than Horton Hears A Who (Girl With a Dragon Tattoo!)
• Sleep - and set the alarm for an interval greater than 8 hours

I've mentioned in previous posts that there is a story to tell about my husband. Let me give you the highlight reel. He does this for recreation: 

Amazing, right? And he was performing this amazing skill a couple of weekends ago and hurt his knee. When I say 'hurt' his knee, what I really mean is he broke and tore the ever-lovin' crap out of it and now is on crutches and requires surgery and some lengthy physical therapy. Ouch. Sweetie, I am so very sorry this happened to you. :(

This event has required our whole family to adjust to a new routine, and while I think we're getting the hang of things, I haven't had 8 hours of nightly sleep for two weeks. I've been lucky to get 6. In this house I don't always get 8 hours, but I can usually squeeze in a few of those nights each week and I really miss that guarantee.

Dear Smiley and Turbo, please sleep through the night. I wish you peaceful dreams of lollipops and gumballs and bouncy balls and trampolines and all the things that would make you want to linger in your beds come morning.

Thank you and good night. My book is waiting.

Supermom Moments

I love those moments when I feel like a super mom, or, better put... Supermom. I will admit I am also learning to love the many moments when I am not at my best because those are often more memorable and rife with opportunities for growth. More on that to come soon.

Tonight my Supermom moment involved a very poopy diaper. Yes, I know, eww. But it's a good story and I'm proud of this success so please bear with me.

Smiley is a very good sleeper. There have been two times that I can recall where she pooped in the middle of the night and slept right through it. The first time was maybe six months ago and I happened to be in the room trying with all my might to get Turbo to sleep. I remember there was an unmistakable rumble from the crib across the room and I thought to myself, "uh oh." I was able to change her that night with little fuss, and I thanked my lucky stars that I was in earshot of the explosion. Can you imagine the poor little red bum that would have suffered had I not been there?!

Tonight was also one of those poops-in-her-sleep nights, and on this occasion I was able to change her without waking her. Such a feat should not go unpublished.

I entered the kids' bedroom to arrange the pillow and blanket on Turbo's bed - to move him from my bed to his bed, by the way, as this is our new norm - when I smelled the signs that she'd done it again. Sleep has been really, really important in this house lately (still need to tell my husband story to elaborate; it's coming, I promise) so I said a little prayer and got to work.

I set up shop in the dimly lit hallway: nigh time diaper, plenty of wipes, extra jammie bottoms justincase, and some diaper ointment so as not to take a chance on her having a sore bottom in the morning. Then I snuck quietly back into the room, pulled my lead-weighted beauty into my arms and threw the blanket over her head.

Let me pause here to say how wonderful it is to still be able to snuggle like this with one of my kids. Turbo is a sleepy-time snuggler for sure, but he's all tall and wiry now. Smiley is getting bigger, but still kind of chubby and delicious and she loves to cuddle. I will opening weep for and miss these days when they are gone.

I laid Smiley on the hallway floor and put her blanket over her head. She squinted in the low light, coming from pitch black, no surprise, and that's about all the fuss she gave me. She barely moved and it was the easiest diaper change I've had with her in about a month. This is a girl on the go and I usually have to change her whilst she stands and plays with toys or points out our big bay window at the dogs walking by.

Thanks for making me feel like a Super Mom, little Smiley. I think you're super too.

The Nap Resister

I was lucky enough today to go out to breakfast with two of my sisters and together our group consisted of seven humans, only three of whom were paying for their own meals. So you could say it was a bit busy with non-stop entertainment and wiggling and spilled milk and requests for bacon and... Let me just say that we had one of the most understanding waitresses I have ever personally encountered since becoming a mom. I tipped her well.

The downside to this fabulous breakfast was that I hardly looked my sisters in the eyes... maybe a quick glance in between, "please stop that" and "yes, your bacon will come soon." I'm pretty sure none of us achieved a complete thought, at least not out loud, but as my sister so aptly put it, "distracted meals come with the territory."

The restaurant was the Brown Bag Cafe, a local favorite for its huge and delicious portions and its kid-friendly dining, and I got a reminder of how popular it was when I arrived at 9:30 AM and tried to park. In the end it only took 5 minutes, but that is only because I found a spot that no one else had noticed because the parking lines had faded into near oblivion. Lucky!

My sisters weren't so lucky as it took them 15 minutes to find a spot. Turbo and Smiley were really well behaved inside the waiting area, and that is quite something as we ended up waiting for over 25 minutes for our party of seven. They were on the verge of turning to the dark side when our name was finally called. Phew.

The meal was wonderful and long overdue and the story I really want to tell here is one that took place on the ride home. We left around 11:30 AM - two hours; sheesh! - and that threw off my plans to make a quick stop at Target before rushing home to put Smiley down for a nap. At this point I knew Smiley would fall asleep in the car, and she did, bless her little heart.

Turbo was another story. As Smiley was drifting off to sleep, Turbo asked me, "Mom, can I watch a movie when we get home?"

Me: "Sure. First you need to take a short nap, though, and then you can watch a movie."

Turbo: "That's not gonna work."

Me: "What's not gonna work?"

Turbo: "That thing you just told me."

Me: "Which part?"

Turbo: "The part about me sleeping."

That kid slays me. In the end, though, he fell asleep in the car too and it was Turbo who kept on sleeping as I put him into bed and it was Smiley who bounced and jumped and laughed in her crib post-car-sleep. I got her up and took her to Target while Turbo slept a good, long, nap. After which he watched The Polar Express. Nothin' says summer like a good Christmas story.



*Notice there is no mention of my darling husband in this post. He is semi-unable to help with the kids these days and that is a story I need to tell too. But not tonight. Tonight I need to get to bed and sleep so that I can greet my adorable children for breakfast.

Busytown

One of my all-time favorite Richard Scarry books is "What Do People Do All Day?" So when I was browsing our local toy store for a birthday present for one of Turbo's classmates, I was thrilled to come across this treasure and I swooped it up and brought it home.

I am pretty sure it was published in 1968 (I'm in a rush to get to work this morning so I can't double-check like I'd like to), and so you have to give it a little breathing room for being a snapshot in time. I was, however, a little surprised at how often the mommies in this book were stay-at-home moms who were given gifts by their work-outside-the-home husbands for things like "doing a good job keeping the house clean."

I tend to skim over those parts so as not to overly influence my kids on what it used to be like for a lot more women. So much more to say here, but, again... rushing to work.

As Turbo descended our front porch steps this morning I said to him, "Have fun at school today."

He paused, turned around, and said, "And YOU have fun at work." And he smiled.

I love that smile.

Almost Two Weeks

Argh. I can hardly believe it's been this long since I last posted. We've had a few too many poor-sleep nights, where I sometimes just cannot drag myself into the office to type.

I think about it every day; I write in my head... does that count as daily writing, writers?

So much to report too... Turbo told his first joke, Smiley learned to jump and land solidly on both feet, Turbo had his first field trip (it's really all about the bus), and Smiley is showing her almost-tantrum-twos colors. Ah, yeah, we're gonna have another two year old soon.

I simply must find more time, make more time, to write these stories.

Until then...

Pre-K, Day One

This week we saw Turbo 'graduate' from pre-school to pre-K. The kids in the pre-K class are supposed to be a little more capable, more thoughtful, and more... mature???


[INTERIOR. EVENING. DINING ROOM TABLE]

Daddy: "Turbo, what did you do in your first day of your new class?"

Turbo: "I farted."

Daddy, stifling a laugh, "Uh, did you do anything else?"

Turbo: "I farted a lot." Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.


Yep, folks, we have ourselves a boy. No doubts about that.